Somebody Call 4 Pain?
by Violetta-Night Butterfly
Summary: Prologue to "Akatsuki Survey" Pain's gone random people! He's obsessed with his name and has to beat people down for his own entertainment. Oh Lord...the chaos has begun! RUN!


Disclaimer: I don't own anything!! LEAVE ME BE!!

A/N: Hello!! I'm supposed to be updating, but I couldn't resist and I had to post another oneshot for the Akatsuki since I haven't done one in a while. Here it is! And yes I'm aware I haven't done this in what appears to be 25 years, lol. I had this for the longest but I forgot... it was supposed to be out right after "Akatsuki Survey"... well anyway enjoy!

* * *

**Somebody Call 4 PAIN?**

_(Prologue to "Akatsuki Survey"Pain's gone random people! He's obsessed with his name and __has__ to beat people down for his own entertainment. Oh Lord...the chaos has begun!! RUN!)_

(Tsunade is at her office asleep and the phone rings)

Shizune: (From the other room) TSUNADE!!

Tsunade: (wakes up) WHAT GOT DAMN IT!!

Shizune: Answer the damn phone!!

Tsunade: ALRIGHT GOT DAMN IT! (answers phone) WHAT GOT DAMN IT!?

Pein: Did somebody call for pain?

Tsunade: ...What?

(Pein bursts threw the window and puts the smackdown on Tsunade)

(Shizune walks in)

Shizune: WTF HAPPENED?

Pein: Somebody just got a nice servin' of some PAIN. (Jump out the window)

Shizune: ...wtf?

--

(Hyuuga Compound)

Hiashi: NEJI! NEJI!!

Neji: (comes out of the bathroom) Yes Hiashi-sama?

Hiashi: Where the fuck is your incest-loving girlfriend?!

Neji: (blushes) H-Hinata-sama is NOT my lover!

Hiashi: Then how the hell did you know who I was talkin' bout?!

Neji: ... (runs down the hallway)

Hiashi: Damn it! HINATA! BRING YOUR RABBIT ASS OUT HERE NOW!

Hinata: (comes out of the kitchen covered in flour) Y-Yes O-otou-sama?

Hiashi: DID YOU MAKE MY DINNER?

Hinata: I-It's a-almost f-fin-finished--

Hiashi: (Picks her up and throws her into the kitchen) HURRY UP! (Walks into the bathroom) HANABI!

Hanabi: (inside her room) WHAT YOU OLD PIECE OF SHIT?

Hiashi: GET ME THE DAMN TOILET PAPER!

(Phone rings)

Neji: (picks up) Hello, Hyuuga residence.

Pein: Can you put Hiashi on the phone?

Neji: ...May I ask who's calling?

Pein: Pain.

Neji: What?

Pein: Pain.

Neji: Very funny. What's your name?

Pein: PAIN.

Neji: ...(thinking): Maybe this guy will put the smackdown on Hiashi like what happened to Tsunade!

Pein: Put the motha-fucker on the phone.

Neji: ...HIASHI-SAMA! (Walks to the bathroomdoor and tosses the phone at him) Your problem.

Hiashi: (confused) HELLO?

Pein: (clears throat) Ahem... did somebody call for pain?

Hiashi: WHAT?

(Pain bursts threw kitchen window, almost slipping on the flour covered kitchen. He comes and grabs Hiashi's head and tosses him out the window.)

HinaNejiHana: WTF?!

Neji: Who the hell are you?!

Hanabi: Yay! That crusty bitch is getting what he had coming!

Hinata: (ignoring Hanabi) W-what's going o-on?

Pain: (blows kisses at Neji and Hinata) Pain happened. (Jumps out the window)

Neji: (shaking) Did he just...?

Hinata: (blushes)

Hanabi: Well Neji-niisan you do look like a girl.

Neji: ...

Hinata: Let's go have a picnic!

NejiHanabi: OKAY!

--

(Uchiha Compound)

Itachi: Beni-hime, you and I will be together forever.

Kurenai: SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!

(Phones rings)

Itachi: (answers phone) Hello?

Sasuke: SHUT UP AND LEAVE HER ALONE! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP! I CAN'T BE OF ASSISTANCE ALL THE TIME! (hangs up)

Itachi: ...I don't get it...

Kurenai: His name means 'Help' and 'Assistance'.

Itachi: ...okay... Well, back to what we were doing... (takes out The Amityville Horror movie)

Kurenai: What?

Itachi: I love this movie.

Kurenai: ...

--

(Akatsuki Hideout)

Deidara: HIDAN! Stop hogging the phone, un!

Hidan: LORD JASSHIN REQUESTS THAT I-- (line clicks) HOLD ON SOMEONE'S ON THE OTHER LINE! (clicks over) HELLO?

Pein: Did somebody call for pain?

Hidan: I DON'T THINK SO. HOLD ON A SECOND. (clicks over) Hello?

Gaara: What do you want?

Hidan: CAN I SPEAK TO THE BEAUTIFUL BALL IN THE BREEZE?

Gaara: No. (hangs up)

Hidan: DAMN IT! (clicks over) Hel--

Pein: Answer the question. Did somebody call for pain?

Hidan: What?

( Fat Pein falls threw the floor and lands on top of Hidan)

Pein: (stands up and dusts himself off) ...I meant to kick his butt... This is totally wrong.

Deidara: ...Leader-sama, you have issues, un. (turns away) SASORI NO DANNA! CAN WE GO GET ICE CREAM?

Sasori: NO! (slams his room door)

(Zetsu walks by and stops. Looks at Hidan. Then leaves when the doorbell rings. Kakuzu walks in, goes to Hidan and steals his wallet.)

Kakuzu: Be back in some hours. I'm about to go spend this money. (Leaves)

(Phone rings)

Pein: (answers) Pain speaking.

Gaara: Death speaks better.

Pein: What?!

(Gaara comes threw the door and kills fat Pein)

(Konan comes in with the normal Pein)

Konan: What happened?! (looks at Deidara) GET HELP!

Deidara: Why, un? He's already dead, un!

Pein: Oh no! (cries by fat Pein's body) Why?!

Gaara: (smirks) Because death called.

(Crashing noise)

Tobi: AH! (runs past everyone)

(Sasuke comes in, breathing exhausted)

Sasuke: Why does everyone always need help?! HELP YOURSELVES DAMN IT! (storms off)

All: ...

Deidara: Can I go make a survey, un?!

Pein: (crying) Just go! Leave me to mourn!

Konan: (shakes head) Stupid. So stupid.

Deidara: YAY! EVERYONE GET ON YOUR COMPUTERS!

Tobi: (runs back by everyone and into his room) OKAY DEIDARA-SENPAI!

(Pein cries harder while Konan watches, taking pictures for blackmailing)

_Just wait for someone to burst in and ask "Did somebody call for tears?"._

* * *

A/N: Hehe, yeah, short and random. And just so ya know: Gaara means death, Sasuke means help, and Pein of course...yeah. And this is also explaining why Konan, Kakuzu, and Pein were not in the survey. This is also why Hidan and Zetsu took so long to get online. (Zetsu was killing the paper boy and Hidan was unconscious, lol)

R and R! The next Akatsuki adventure is everyone getting jobs!

-VioNiFly- aka -Hinagiku Harumi-chan-


End file.
